Update on Bullying

So here is an update on what's going on via my last post: kids and bullying

Prior to writing my last blog post, (Jan. 16th) I had sent an e-mail to all of my kids teachers asking them what we could do to bring up his grades as he's missed so much school and how his being bullied had and has been affecting his grades and attendance.  Here is a snip-it of what I wrote, it was sent to 6 teachers:

...I am writing to see if there is anything he can do to bring up his grades.  He was out very sick, we all were sick ....  

I see that he's missing a ton of work, and I would like to see if he can make it up even though the new term just started.  I realistically know that he can't bring them all up to A's, but I am hoping that he can bring them up to passing so that he can move to the next grade ... 

very concerned about something that has been going on there.  He has told me that he's being bullied by another older student ...

reported it to the school counselors, but I am a bit  dismayed at the fact that the school never informed me that it was reported, nor did they report that anything was going to be done about it...  I don't want to hear that my child has been hurt or killed because his cry for help went by un-noticed .... and lets all work together to put an end to any children being bullied!  It's not right, and I'm very unhappy with the school for not doing anything about it!!  ...  Please let me know what kind of ideas if any you have, and if he can do anything to bring up his grades.   I am willing to meet with each of you if needs be along with a school official (principal, counselor, etc.) so that I can help my child succeed...

 

 

Out of the 6 teachers that were e-mailed, I got a response from only 1 teacher (the very same day), here are some snip-its from what she had to say:

 

Grades have been finalized for last term. ...  I think if he can focus on this term, start out fresh and turn in assignments and not have excessive absences, that will be better to focus his attention.... I understand your concern about being bullied. I have never seen anything occur in my class, so I hope at least he feels safe there. I would be happy to speak with the counselors to see how we can prevent this from happening. Has he given you a specific name? The more specifics we can get, the better we can deal with the problem. ... His absences are a concern and do affect his schoolwork and grades. If we can help him feel safe, then I hope this will encourage him to want to come to school. Send me any names or details and I will see what I can do.  ...  Let me know if you feel comfortable with this plan.

I was thrilled to have a teacher respond to me.  I was super unhappy though that not a single other teacher took the time to e-mail me back.  It is a sad day and age when the schools push to use the internet to reach out to them, and they don't even bother to respond. 

 

I responded to this teacher writing her a really long e-mail (it ended up being over 2 pages) detailing what had happened, just as I have on my previous blog post.  I didn't hear back from the teacher, but I got an e-mail from a student counselor at my sons school stating that his teacher had brought this to her attention, it was like it had never been brought up before.  Here is the e-mail mostly in whole:

 

From:
Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2013 12:17 PM
To: julianneltaylor@gmail.com
Subject:

Julianne,

My name is ...  and I am the 7th grade school counselor.

Mrs. ...(...English teacher) advised me that ...has been having a hard time at school and that you were concerned about some bullying issues.  I looked into the situation and I wanted to just let you know some follow-up.

I called ... into my office today and apparently an 8th grade student had been bullying ...and his friend .....  Your son, ... told me most of this happened about a month ago.  I asked him if he was still having problems with the other student and he told me no.  He said he doesn't see him very much anymore.  I also do know that back in December the school principal did talk to the 8th grade student and also the other school counselor spoke with both  ... about what to do.

 ...  and I also chatted about his grades.  He said that he has been sick for a couple of weeks and has missed several days because of that.  He said that he is feeling much better now though and his goal is to get a B+ or better average.  We talked about regular attendance, turning in assignments, and using Olympic Time to help him stay caught up. 

I would like to call .... back into my office in a couple of weeks just to check in on him and see how he is doing.  Please let me know if I can help in any other way before then.

Thanks so much,

....

Salem Jr. High School Counselor

7th Grade Counselor

8th Grade A-K Counselor

*** please note that all names have been removed to protect them***

 

I have not responded to this yet, because my initial response was f*** you!  His attendance and grades are a direct reflection of what's going on at that school.  I need to respond to it, and I've started but I am not done yet. 

 

So, at this point I am not sure what to do.  The above e-mail sounds like as always it is more concerned about attendance, and not about what is going on.  It sounds like the original reporting of the incident, that was reported to the male counselor at the school that is over 8th & 9th grade, didn't pass it on to the person over seeing my child's grade.

 

I am so very upset about this!  I have had suggestions that I should contact the media and let them know what is going on.  However, I am thinking that I need to see what kind of response I get from the school first.  Their policy is so loosely worded that I'm not sure I could get them to back anything up that was written it. 

 

The worst part about all this is that we moved away from California so that our kids could have a better chance at life, and get away from all the violence and gangs.  And here we are a year later in a quiet rural setting and he's getting bullied worse than he ever did in California.  Looking back over the school year, he has had his bike tires slashed repeatedly.  To the point that I am tired of replacing them (we've even bought the expensive ones that aren't supposed to pop). 

 

Help us out peeps!  Who's had to deal with something similar?  I remember being bullied when I was a kid, but not like things are now days! 

 

--Me

 

 

Kids and bullying....

So, my blog has been here for a while, I just never remember to write anything.  (I'm sort of busy with life, 4 kids, going back to school, etc...) but I have decided that I want to share what is going on with my kids and bullying, and get some input from others on what to do about it.  I could think of no other way to do it than to share it here, and post a link on my social sites asking (begging perhaps) others to read it and to give me some insight!  Sorry if it is super long!!!

On to the real matter at hand: Bullying
Here is how a dictionary defines this:
Main entry: bully
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): bul-lied; bul-ly-ing
Date: 1963

transitive verb

1: to treat abusively

2: to affect by means of force or coercion

intransitive verb
: to use browbeating language or behavior

And here is our story:

Late November / early December 2012 we receive a call from the middle school my son is attending stating that he was hit in the face by a door, and has a black eye; otherwise he is fine though.  They by law have to inform us of this.  Sadly, once son comes home husband and I chuckle at him, tease him about it a bit (what are the odds of a door hitting you just right to get just your eye, and not the rest of your face - anyone seeing a not really a school door hitting him mental picture, because looking back I totally am!!), and pass it off as nothing. 

Less than a week later, we notice that his eye looks worse.  He just claims to have been rough housing with his younger siblings a bit too hard and we just leave it at that.  A few days later (December 6th, 2012 to be exact), his younger sister (younger by one year) informs me that I need to talk to him about someone at school picking on him, she tells me that this kid hit him in the eye making his black eye worse. 

So, I tell husband, and we confront said kid of newly found knowledge.  It takes a bit, but he finally opens up and tells us about it. He tells us that while he was sitting at lunch with his friends that this 8th grader came up behind him and reached around him and hit him open palmed right on his black eye making it worse.  My son says he didn't say anything to this kid, or anything, but being related to me and his father I am sure that he has several colorful things to say to this kid.   Either way, it shouldn't have happened!  After telling this, we ask him if anything else has happened.  He seems kind of aloof, and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it, but we finally get it out of him that this kid has been saying some really horrid things to him.  Things that I won't even repeat here!!  He couldn't talk about it in front of me, I had to send him and my husband out of the room to a secure location to get it out of him.  The husband had to relay the info to me, and believe me when I say I wouldn't have been able to repeat it to my mother either!  (it had to do with mothers, incest, and disgusting sexual content - things I didn't even expect kids to know about!).

Not the best quality, but it was almost completely gone!
Notice the new really dark marks,
that was caused by the bully!
(picture taken Dec. 3, 2012)

We gave my son two options at this point, I could go and take care of it (was already thinking of storming the school office, I was pretty upset at this point) or he could report it to the office (the principal, counselor or other school official) and take care of it on his own.  He wanted to talk to his friend that was being picked on as well to see if he wanted to report it with him.  So, I hung back and let him talk to his friend who as also being bullied.

He comes home December 7th, 2012 and informs us that he and his friend went to the counselors office and they each had to fill out an official school for about the bullying.  When things happened, who did it, exactly what was said, etc.  (he told me that he was not comfortable doing any of this, and asked if he really had to write what was said; the counselor told him that he really did need to tell all of it).  The counselor then told them once the paper was filled out that they needed to go and talk to the principal about it.  The boys followed him to the principals office, relayed their stories, and the principal informed them that hopefully the boy will stop bullying them.  They were then sent back to their classrooms (having missed an entire period doing this paperwork etc...).

 All night long I expect a phone call from the school (they are super quick to let us know if buses aren't running due to snow, if he's tardy to a single class, if he misses any classes, school dances etc...), but there wasn't one.  then I start to think that I will probably get an e-mail from the office since I get e-mails from the school all the time.  I even check my junk mail like a crazy person thinking it ended up there.  Nothing!  So I am all ready to march down to the school a couple of days later (it was reported on a Friday, so I give it till Wednesday for mail and all) and my husband talks me out of it; telling me to give them time to take care of it etc...

Well, here we are January the 17th, 2013 and nothing has been said or done to my knowledge.  I have talked to his teachers.  I have even received a letter from the school saying he was absent too often this last term.  My son has admitted to saying he was sick or not feeling well (even faked it when I took him to the doctor I think) just so he didn't have to go back to school.  He doesn't want to take anymore abuse, and because he hasn't heard anything from me saying it's resolved, he has told me he's afraid the kid is going to find out somehow and do something even worse to him.  (Mind you, regarding his absences; he missed a week of school honestly as everyone in our family either had bronchitis or pneumonia).  So, now I have to sign a letter from the school regarding said absences, and in this I was thinking of including a letter telling them that I know about the bullying and that I am sickly concerned that I haven't heard anything from them.  What do you think?

I have been so worked up over this I didn't even sleep last night!  I decided I should look into the school policy as I recalled reading something in the parent/student handbook about bullying.  Here is the link to their policy: http://www.nebo.edu/pubpolicy/J/JDD.pdf  .  If you get a chance, read it over and tell me what you think - should the school have contacted me?  I totally didn't miss the part about the fact that I should have informed the school immediately once I learned of it.  And if I am ever told of bullying again from my child or any child; I will immediately act upon it.  I was honestly just curious if they would alert me.

I am concerned, all the things that have been going on in the world around us.  Kids shooting other kids at schools etc...  What if this bully found out that my kid told on him, and freaked out and brought a gun or knife to school.  What if he beat my kid even worse?!  What if he never came home?  If my son hadn't have mentioned it to my daughter, and she mentioned it to me, I wouldn't have know!  Should this be on me for not telling the school, or is it bad on the schools part for not informing me?  I kind of think it's both, but I'm still angry at the school, and need to know what to do!  Give me some input.  What would you do?  Should I petition for a better system?  Help this bat-shit crazy mother make some sense of this!

--Me