Kids and bullying....

So, my blog has been here for a while, I just never remember to write anything.  (I'm sort of busy with life, 4 kids, going back to school, etc...) but I have decided that I want to share what is going on with my kids and bullying, and get some input from others on what to do about it.  I could think of no other way to do it than to share it here, and post a link on my social sites asking (begging perhaps) others to read it and to give me some insight!  Sorry if it is super long!!!

On to the real matter at hand: Bullying
Here is how a dictionary defines this:
Main entry: bully
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): bul-lied; bul-ly-ing
Date: 1963

transitive verb

1: to treat abusively

2: to affect by means of force or coercion

intransitive verb
: to use browbeating language or behavior

And here is our story:

Late November / early December 2012 we receive a call from the middle school my son is attending stating that he was hit in the face by a door, and has a black eye; otherwise he is fine though.  They by law have to inform us of this.  Sadly, once son comes home husband and I chuckle at him, tease him about it a bit (what are the odds of a door hitting you just right to get just your eye, and not the rest of your face - anyone seeing a not really a school door hitting him mental picture, because looking back I totally am!!), and pass it off as nothing. 

Less than a week later, we notice that his eye looks worse.  He just claims to have been rough housing with his younger siblings a bit too hard and we just leave it at that.  A few days later (December 6th, 2012 to be exact), his younger sister (younger by one year) informs me that I need to talk to him about someone at school picking on him, she tells me that this kid hit him in the eye making his black eye worse. 

So, I tell husband, and we confront said kid of newly found knowledge.  It takes a bit, but he finally opens up and tells us about it. He tells us that while he was sitting at lunch with his friends that this 8th grader came up behind him and reached around him and hit him open palmed right on his black eye making it worse.  My son says he didn't say anything to this kid, or anything, but being related to me and his father I am sure that he has several colorful things to say to this kid.   Either way, it shouldn't have happened!  After telling this, we ask him if anything else has happened.  He seems kind of aloof, and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it, but we finally get it out of him that this kid has been saying some really horrid things to him.  Things that I won't even repeat here!!  He couldn't talk about it in front of me, I had to send him and my husband out of the room to a secure location to get it out of him.  The husband had to relay the info to me, and believe me when I say I wouldn't have been able to repeat it to my mother either!  (it had to do with mothers, incest, and disgusting sexual content - things I didn't even expect kids to know about!).

Not the best quality, but it was almost completely gone!
Notice the new really dark marks,
that was caused by the bully!
(picture taken Dec. 3, 2012)

We gave my son two options at this point, I could go and take care of it (was already thinking of storming the school office, I was pretty upset at this point) or he could report it to the office (the principal, counselor or other school official) and take care of it on his own.  He wanted to talk to his friend that was being picked on as well to see if he wanted to report it with him.  So, I hung back and let him talk to his friend who as also being bullied.

He comes home December 7th, 2012 and informs us that he and his friend went to the counselors office and they each had to fill out an official school for about the bullying.  When things happened, who did it, exactly what was said, etc.  (he told me that he was not comfortable doing any of this, and asked if he really had to write what was said; the counselor told him that he really did need to tell all of it).  The counselor then told them once the paper was filled out that they needed to go and talk to the principal about it.  The boys followed him to the principals office, relayed their stories, and the principal informed them that hopefully the boy will stop bullying them.  They were then sent back to their classrooms (having missed an entire period doing this paperwork etc...).

 All night long I expect a phone call from the school (they are super quick to let us know if buses aren't running due to snow, if he's tardy to a single class, if he misses any classes, school dances etc...), but there wasn't one.  then I start to think that I will probably get an e-mail from the office since I get e-mails from the school all the time.  I even check my junk mail like a crazy person thinking it ended up there.  Nothing!  So I am all ready to march down to the school a couple of days later (it was reported on a Friday, so I give it till Wednesday for mail and all) and my husband talks me out of it; telling me to give them time to take care of it etc...

Well, here we are January the 17th, 2013 and nothing has been said or done to my knowledge.  I have talked to his teachers.  I have even received a letter from the school saying he was absent too often this last term.  My son has admitted to saying he was sick or not feeling well (even faked it when I took him to the doctor I think) just so he didn't have to go back to school.  He doesn't want to take anymore abuse, and because he hasn't heard anything from me saying it's resolved, he has told me he's afraid the kid is going to find out somehow and do something even worse to him.  (Mind you, regarding his absences; he missed a week of school honestly as everyone in our family either had bronchitis or pneumonia).  So, now I have to sign a letter from the school regarding said absences, and in this I was thinking of including a letter telling them that I know about the bullying and that I am sickly concerned that I haven't heard anything from them.  What do you think?

I have been so worked up over this I didn't even sleep last night!  I decided I should look into the school policy as I recalled reading something in the parent/student handbook about bullying.  Here is the link to their policy: http://www.nebo.edu/pubpolicy/J/JDD.pdf  .  If you get a chance, read it over and tell me what you think - should the school have contacted me?  I totally didn't miss the part about the fact that I should have informed the school immediately once I learned of it.  And if I am ever told of bullying again from my child or any child; I will immediately act upon it.  I was honestly just curious if they would alert me.

I am concerned, all the things that have been going on in the world around us.  Kids shooting other kids at schools etc...  What if this bully found out that my kid told on him, and freaked out and brought a gun or knife to school.  What if he beat my kid even worse?!  What if he never came home?  If my son hadn't have mentioned it to my daughter, and she mentioned it to me, I wouldn't have know!  Should this be on me for not telling the school, or is it bad on the schools part for not informing me?  I kind of think it's both, but I'm still angry at the school, and need to know what to do!  Give me some input.  What would you do?  Should I petition for a better system?  Help this bat-shit crazy mother make some sense of this!

--Me