So, on the bullying front, I finally got some answers.  Not sure how I feel about those answers, but at least I got somewhere!!

Not to long after my e-mails back and forth with the school counselor that didn't really seem to know what was going on, I got a phone call from the dean of the school.  She had stated that she knew what was going on with all of this, and had been watching out for my son.  However, she had dropped the ball and had not called me to let me know that it was reported.  Here's what bothers me, during our conversation, she mentioned how she had talked to the other kids parents that was being bullied along with my son.  So, does that mean that she talked to them up front, when this kid was being verbally bullied along with my son?   My son was physically bullied and I didn't get called right away.  My initial response was to be thankful that she did finally contact me.  After more thinking, I have thought that it was more to appease the "roaring" mother that was causing a stink. 

I had posted questions to the PTA Facebook page of the school asking them what their thoughts were on the policy, etc...  Well, they didn't like that!  My post was deleted right away!  It had no names besides mine in it, and didn't even give out many details.  What the heck!?  Why do I feel like this is just being swept under the rug?!

So, here we are months later and I don't feel much better about this. I see on KSL 5, a local news channel, that they are trying to put an end to bullying.  Stricter laws etc...  I almost feel like I should tell them our story.  But I also don't want my son to be singled out or picked on worse for it.

During my conversation with the dean, she informed me that she watches the bully and my son during lunch etc.  And that they even sit together sometimes.  When I asked my son about this, he told me he would never sit by him!  So now I have to question if the woman was even telling me the truth about all if it.  What a mess!  I have to think on this one some more before I decide if I will take further action.  My son says as of right now, he isn't being bullied.  Guess we'll see what happens!

Update on Bullying

So here is an update on what's going on via my last post: kids and bullying

Prior to writing my last blog post, (Jan. 16th) I had sent an e-mail to all of my kids teachers asking them what we could do to bring up his grades as he's missed so much school and how his being bullied had and has been affecting his grades and attendance.  Here is a snip-it of what I wrote, it was sent to 6 teachers:

...I am writing to see if there is anything he can do to bring up his grades.  He was out very sick, we all were sick ....  

I see that he's missing a ton of work, and I would like to see if he can make it up even though the new term just started.  I realistically know that he can't bring them all up to A's, but I am hoping that he can bring them up to passing so that he can move to the next grade ... 

very concerned about something that has been going on there.  He has told me that he's being bullied by another older student ...

reported it to the school counselors, but I am a bit  dismayed at the fact that the school never informed me that it was reported, nor did they report that anything was going to be done about it...  I don't want to hear that my child has been hurt or killed because his cry for help went by un-noticed .... and lets all work together to put an end to any children being bullied!  It's not right, and I'm very unhappy with the school for not doing anything about it!!  ...  Please let me know what kind of ideas if any you have, and if he can do anything to bring up his grades.   I am willing to meet with each of you if needs be along with a school official (principal, counselor, etc.) so that I can help my child succeed...

 

 

Out of the 6 teachers that were e-mailed, I got a response from only 1 teacher (the very same day), here are some snip-its from what she had to say:

 

Grades have been finalized for last term. ...  I think if he can focus on this term, start out fresh and turn in assignments and not have excessive absences, that will be better to focus his attention.... I understand your concern about being bullied. I have never seen anything occur in my class, so I hope at least he feels safe there. I would be happy to speak with the counselors to see how we can prevent this from happening. Has he given you a specific name? The more specifics we can get, the better we can deal with the problem. ... His absences are a concern and do affect his schoolwork and grades. If we can help him feel safe, then I hope this will encourage him to want to come to school. Send me any names or details and I will see what I can do.  ...  Let me know if you feel comfortable with this plan.

I was thrilled to have a teacher respond to me.  I was super unhappy though that not a single other teacher took the time to e-mail me back.  It is a sad day and age when the schools push to use the internet to reach out to them, and they don't even bother to respond. 

 

I responded to this teacher writing her a really long e-mail (it ended up being over 2 pages) detailing what had happened, just as I have on my previous blog post.  I didn't hear back from the teacher, but I got an e-mail from a student counselor at my sons school stating that his teacher had brought this to her attention, it was like it had never been brought up before.  Here is the e-mail mostly in whole:

 

From:
Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2013 12:17 PM
To: julianneltaylor@gmail.com
Subject:

Julianne,

My name is ...  and I am the 7th grade school counselor.

Mrs. ...(...English teacher) advised me that ...has been having a hard time at school and that you were concerned about some bullying issues.  I looked into the situation and I wanted to just let you know some follow-up.

I called ... into my office today and apparently an 8th grade student had been bullying ...and his friend .....  Your son, ... told me most of this happened about a month ago.  I asked him if he was still having problems with the other student and he told me no.  He said he doesn't see him very much anymore.  I also do know that back in December the school principal did talk to the 8th grade student and also the other school counselor spoke with both  ... about what to do.

 ...  and I also chatted about his grades.  He said that he has been sick for a couple of weeks and has missed several days because of that.  He said that he is feeling much better now though and his goal is to get a B+ or better average.  We talked about regular attendance, turning in assignments, and using Olympic Time to help him stay caught up. 

I would like to call .... back into my office in a couple of weeks just to check in on him and see how he is doing.  Please let me know if I can help in any other way before then.

Thanks so much,

....

Salem Jr. High School Counselor

7th Grade Counselor

8th Grade A-K Counselor

*** please note that all names have been removed to protect them***

 

I have not responded to this yet, because my initial response was f*** you!  His attendance and grades are a direct reflection of what's going on at that school.  I need to respond to it, and I've started but I am not done yet. 

 

So, at this point I am not sure what to do.  The above e-mail sounds like as always it is more concerned about attendance, and not about what is going on.  It sounds like the original reporting of the incident, that was reported to the male counselor at the school that is over 8th & 9th grade, didn't pass it on to the person over seeing my child's grade.

 

I am so very upset about this!  I have had suggestions that I should contact the media and let them know what is going on.  However, I am thinking that I need to see what kind of response I get from the school first.  Their policy is so loosely worded that I'm not sure I could get them to back anything up that was written it. 

 

The worst part about all this is that we moved away from California so that our kids could have a better chance at life, and get away from all the violence and gangs.  And here we are a year later in a quiet rural setting and he's getting bullied worse than he ever did in California.  Looking back over the school year, he has had his bike tires slashed repeatedly.  To the point that I am tired of replacing them (we've even bought the expensive ones that aren't supposed to pop). 

 

Help us out peeps!  Who's had to deal with something similar?  I remember being bullied when I was a kid, but not like things are now days! 

 

--Me

 

 

Kids and bullying....

So, my blog has been here for a while, I just never remember to write anything.  (I'm sort of busy with life, 4 kids, going back to school, etc...) but I have decided that I want to share what is going on with my kids and bullying, and get some input from others on what to do about it.  I could think of no other way to do it than to share it here, and post a link on my social sites asking (begging perhaps) others to read it and to give me some insight!  Sorry if it is super long!!!

On to the real matter at hand: Bullying
Here is how a dictionary defines this:
Main entry: bully
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): bul-lied; bul-ly-ing
Date: 1963

transitive verb

1: to treat abusively

2: to affect by means of force or coercion

intransitive verb
: to use browbeating language or behavior

And here is our story:

Late November / early December 2012 we receive a call from the middle school my son is attending stating that he was hit in the face by a door, and has a black eye; otherwise he is fine though.  They by law have to inform us of this.  Sadly, once son comes home husband and I chuckle at him, tease him about it a bit (what are the odds of a door hitting you just right to get just your eye, and not the rest of your face - anyone seeing a not really a school door hitting him mental picture, because looking back I totally am!!), and pass it off as nothing. 

Less than a week later, we notice that his eye looks worse.  He just claims to have been rough housing with his younger siblings a bit too hard and we just leave it at that.  A few days later (December 6th, 2012 to be exact), his younger sister (younger by one year) informs me that I need to talk to him about someone at school picking on him, she tells me that this kid hit him in the eye making his black eye worse. 

So, I tell husband, and we confront said kid of newly found knowledge.  It takes a bit, but he finally opens up and tells us about it. He tells us that while he was sitting at lunch with his friends that this 8th grader came up behind him and reached around him and hit him open palmed right on his black eye making it worse.  My son says he didn't say anything to this kid, or anything, but being related to me and his father I am sure that he has several colorful things to say to this kid.   Either way, it shouldn't have happened!  After telling this, we ask him if anything else has happened.  He seems kind of aloof, and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it, but we finally get it out of him that this kid has been saying some really horrid things to him.  Things that I won't even repeat here!!  He couldn't talk about it in front of me, I had to send him and my husband out of the room to a secure location to get it out of him.  The husband had to relay the info to me, and believe me when I say I wouldn't have been able to repeat it to my mother either!  (it had to do with mothers, incest, and disgusting sexual content - things I didn't even expect kids to know about!).

Not the best quality, but it was almost completely gone!
Notice the new really dark marks,
that was caused by the bully!
(picture taken Dec. 3, 2012)

We gave my son two options at this point, I could go and take care of it (was already thinking of storming the school office, I was pretty upset at this point) or he could report it to the office (the principal, counselor or other school official) and take care of it on his own.  He wanted to talk to his friend that was being picked on as well to see if he wanted to report it with him.  So, I hung back and let him talk to his friend who as also being bullied.

He comes home December 7th, 2012 and informs us that he and his friend went to the counselors office and they each had to fill out an official school for about the bullying.  When things happened, who did it, exactly what was said, etc.  (he told me that he was not comfortable doing any of this, and asked if he really had to write what was said; the counselor told him that he really did need to tell all of it).  The counselor then told them once the paper was filled out that they needed to go and talk to the principal about it.  The boys followed him to the principals office, relayed their stories, and the principal informed them that hopefully the boy will stop bullying them.  They were then sent back to their classrooms (having missed an entire period doing this paperwork etc...).

 All night long I expect a phone call from the school (they are super quick to let us know if buses aren't running due to snow, if he's tardy to a single class, if he misses any classes, school dances etc...), but there wasn't one.  then I start to think that I will probably get an e-mail from the office since I get e-mails from the school all the time.  I even check my junk mail like a crazy person thinking it ended up there.  Nothing!  So I am all ready to march down to the school a couple of days later (it was reported on a Friday, so I give it till Wednesday for mail and all) and my husband talks me out of it; telling me to give them time to take care of it etc...

Well, here we are January the 17th, 2013 and nothing has been said or done to my knowledge.  I have talked to his teachers.  I have even received a letter from the school saying he was absent too often this last term.  My son has admitted to saying he was sick or not feeling well (even faked it when I took him to the doctor I think) just so he didn't have to go back to school.  He doesn't want to take anymore abuse, and because he hasn't heard anything from me saying it's resolved, he has told me he's afraid the kid is going to find out somehow and do something even worse to him.  (Mind you, regarding his absences; he missed a week of school honestly as everyone in our family either had bronchitis or pneumonia).  So, now I have to sign a letter from the school regarding said absences, and in this I was thinking of including a letter telling them that I know about the bullying and that I am sickly concerned that I haven't heard anything from them.  What do you think?

I have been so worked up over this I didn't even sleep last night!  I decided I should look into the school policy as I recalled reading something in the parent/student handbook about bullying.  Here is the link to their policy: http://www.nebo.edu/pubpolicy/J/JDD.pdf  .  If you get a chance, read it over and tell me what you think - should the school have contacted me?  I totally didn't miss the part about the fact that I should have informed the school immediately once I learned of it.  And if I am ever told of bullying again from my child or any child; I will immediately act upon it.  I was honestly just curious if they would alert me.

I am concerned, all the things that have been going on in the world around us.  Kids shooting other kids at schools etc...  What if this bully found out that my kid told on him, and freaked out and brought a gun or knife to school.  What if he beat my kid even worse?!  What if he never came home?  If my son hadn't have mentioned it to my daughter, and she mentioned it to me, I wouldn't have know!  Should this be on me for not telling the school, or is it bad on the schools part for not informing me?  I kind of think it's both, but I'm still angry at the school, and need to know what to do!  Give me some input.  What would you do?  Should I petition for a better system?  Help this bat-shit crazy mother make some sense of this!

--Me

 

Am I feeling sane today?

So, tell me... Am I feeling sane today?  I have four kids of my own, ranging in age from 1 to 11.  And I decided to let the oldest have his first sleep over...  Now mind you, the second oldest has had a sleepover before, just not with us. While staying with the grandparents. I always thought that it would be super easy...  Mind you, it is not all bad!  Just exhausting! :-P

Started out frantically cleaning yesterday after I talked it over with the hubby, and we decided it was OK... and boy do I mean frantic cleaning!  Hubby mowed the back lawn, swept outside, rounded up the 8 or so laundry baskets that were outside full of the dirty clothes I haven't gotten to (our dryer doesn't really work well, and our clothes line is like 50+ years old...but that is a whole different story!), and put them safely in a corner under a tarp on the back porch.  The rest of the clothes as always were tossed in on my bedroom floor...if I only had the guts to post of picture of the amount of clothes my family of 6 has!!!  Yikes!  Back to subject....  in the mean time, I cleaned the kitchen (not the best job in the world, but good enough for a 12 year old boy to not be icked out!), cleaned the dinning room, cleaned the living room, cleaned off the china hutch, cleaned off both floor to ceiling book shelves. 

This was all until about 1 am today (including dinner of course, and the hour aside putting the 2 year old to bed).  Then at 2 am the 2 year old wakes up screaming, so the hubby goes to put her back to bed.  As soon as the hubby walks out of the bed room the baby wakes up.  I get up to take the baby, he just screams louder and pushes me away...i proceed to get the hubby and trade since I know the 2 year old really likes me more (sssshhhhh, don't tell the hubby - she is his favorite!).  All night long I was up with her, she kept waking up - bad dreams, scared, who the hell knows what... I nodded off a few times, so I figure I got my best sleep from 5 am to 7am.  (mind you, I am sleeping next to her toddler bed on a hard wood floor with a really thin sleeping bag beneath me - my hips hate me!)

I get up and finish my frantic cleaning from room to room - bathroom, kids room, back porch, etc... All of this for a kid that seems like  he doesn't care either way.  But  I know his mother, and she is a bit of a neat freak.  I couldn't live with myself if he were to go home and say our home was dirty, that we were slobs or anything!

I pick up the sleepover attendee around noon, and proceed to let the kids play play xbox all afternoon...Around 4pm I make them turn it off and send them out side to play.  It was fun seeing all 5 of them playing in the sprinklers...and of course, did I ever think to grab the camera to take a picture?  Of course not!  So i will try to repeat it tomorrow so I can save the memory forever! 

My sister brought home 2 huge pizzas and 3 batches of bread sticks for dinner (yes I live with my sister...so this tiny ass house has 8 people (sometimes 9) in it and one huge ass cat tonight.  And that is an all together different story to tell!).  After dinner, they are back on the xbox.... I kick them back off it, and send them outside for some more outdoors time.... 

Now it is 11:33 at night, and the 3 older kids and the hubby are watching Jackass 3.5.  Not sure if it was the best pick of movies to watch..but they are having fun eating cookies, ice cream, drinking soda, and laughing together.

Now add to this that I have done 2 mad rushes to the store to get junk food, then cold medicine for me and the 2 year old - we are both sick...and tell me, do you think I am nuts?  I feel a little nuts!

I wonder how late they will stay up talking, playing etc... should I try to listen in, or just let them have fun?

The sleepover attendee is having fun I guess, he posted on facebook that he was having a great sleepover.

Did boys when I was a kid have sleepovers?  I don't remember my little brother, or older brothers ever having sleepovers...I remember mine, but of course that is because they were my sleepovers!  Who knows, guess I'll have to e-mail the little bro and ask if he ever did...

Shew...wish me luck!

Taco Hell!! WTF??

So, not to be a total hater, but WTF Taco Bell? 

I had the worst service ever tonight!  Here is the letter that I sent to them...and I was much nicer than I started out!

First and foremost, we are a very large family on a very limited budget, and we very rarely eat out.  Well, we chose to eat at our local Taco Bell, and spent a large amount of money for food that was very unsatisfactory. The person running the register couldn’t get our order right and she was a shift leader! Here is what we ordered: 1 limeade, 2 chalupas, 1 pizza (-tom), 10 bean burritos, 10 tacos, 1 $5 box meal (-sour), 2 shrimp tacos. We were charged for (2) box meals, and once we got our order,  we had to request the food for the second box meal since it was on the receipt. We double checked our order, and there was tomato on the pizza, the person told us that there was no tomato on it, so I showed them, and told them it looked horrible, to which they responded that is just the way they are made! And the tomato (huge chunks) are in the sauce they use! 

There was hardly any meat on any of the tacos, the shrimp tacos were tough, and overcooked, they were not edible!  We did not get the tacos that were supposed to come with the box meals.  There was not any meat at all on either crunch wrap! Overall, we will not be spending our money there again!!  So, here I am out $50 bucks, trying to feed 7 people, and hungry because all we ate was lettuce and stale shells!!!

I am so unhappy with them!  When did customer service hit such an all time low?  When you pay for a product it should be descent, no matter where you got it!  I know, I know!  How many of you are saying, "Taco Bell?!  What did you expect?"  But really!  We never really eat out, and it seemed like it would be a feasible place to eat, and clearly we were wrong!  I will have to see what they say back.  Probably something to the extent of  "we are sorry that you are not happy with your service, please accept this 10% off of your next order on  us".  I can tell you that my hubby has had such a bad day, they were very lucky that he didn't just freak out and start yelling... He almost just packed up all his food and took it right back and wanted to tell them to shove it up their ass!  That was fun to talk him out of! Ha!  (Although, it would have been fun to see the looks on their faces!  But it is always a better idea to keep the husband out of jail!)

I will post any updates that I get from them.  Wish me luck in the ongoing battle of feeding my huge family!